Today i made the second big mistake

My father came to visit me today, he insisted to buy me a car because i refused to use alone the car me and my husband owned, so we left the house again (second time in 4,5 months,the first time was my first big mistake) and we went out to have a look, we drove a little bit outside the city, and we drived pass a coffee shop that me and my husband used to stop every time we came here to visit my mother and every time we left on the way back we used to buy a coffe and we drove to other city to take the ferry to go back to our island, so i said to my father to stop there and i idiot went inside and ordered 2 coffees, then i had a very bad panic atack i ended crying in front of everyone, i realized that i can not live with memories i don't want to live with memories... i want my husband back, i want us to go back home, we left just for few days in june and never went back... what the fuck happened? I cant realize it... and i didn't found a car because i feel guilty to have a new one if he is not here to enjoy it... i want our life back immediately... that is crazy... englisch is not my first language i am sorry for the mistakes