I really want to go cold turkey on alcohol

But I just can’t! Because I want to die. I know this will be my way out. No one will ever understand that losing a lifetime partner forever changes you. I have no friends, no hobbies, only my little dog. But she is not enough for me to want to stay. I need my love back, he was my world. I have nothing to look forward to, but death. Sorry to be so pessimistic, but that’s just me, my love always told me, I want you to be happy. Well, I can’t anymore, can I now? Now that you’re gone.