I'm a trans man but I need advice

I'm an 18yr old trans man I came out when I was 11 and I've been out to my whole family since 12 recently I've found something out about myself I'm really into feminine clothes/accessories Don't get me wrong to be blunt I want a dick and a flat chest and a deep voice but I also want to wear a dress and have longish hair I love the color pink and when I imagine myself as a cis male I always picture a skinny man with a smaller package in a dress and it's not in a sexual way I just found myself clinging to that version of myself I want to be a normal gay guy one who's able to dress fem and be seen as a man one who's able to be smaller than most men and it not be a "biology/female" thing idk how to explain I'm a man but am I allowed to feel like this since I'm trans do I have to be masculine?