Me and my condition

I live with a very rare, near-fatal condition that very heavily alters the way I look. I do not have any body fat, so you might be asking me, how the hell are you even alive? To answer that, I would say it's simply pure luck. I am very grateful to be alive right now but I can't help but also feel so so unlucky. Since I am older and now more aware of what's going on with me and my condition (since I was a little kid, I've been a little bit ignorant and bliss about myself but I wasn't prancing around calling myself pretty or anything), I can't help but just keep checking myself out in the mirror taking in the way I look a little more and see every horrible thing about my face and body. Due to having no body fat I am a young adult but I have been told I look fourty years old in the face, malnourished (I'm not actually I have a very healthy appetite), my teeth look too big for my own mouth, and have also been told MANY times that I look like I'm severely on drugs. Meanwhile, somehow my voice still sounds squeaky and young. I've never once experienced a crush mainly because I have been mentally accepting that the way I look makes me stand little to no chance at ever finding anyone to love me in my life. My mom and my good friends tell me I'm pretty (or just ok) but I can't help but see all those compliments as dismissive ways of pitying me and just trying to make me feel better. In a sense, I'm aware my view of romance is a bit twisted and wrong in this way in having the idea that looks are everything, but I genuinely feel like I can't help it.