First trip while going through the most horrible time of my life

Hello, I will be having LSD for the first time on Thursday. I have been depressed since I was 14. I lost my soul cat, who was my bestest friend, my shadow and my whole life a month ago, very unexpectedly as he was super young and healthy. I have been going downhill since then. Of course I have suicidal thoughts, crying everyday, bedridden for a month due to depression since his death. in short it is the worst time of my life (and I have had really bad times). I will be taking 250ug with my husband at our home. What should I expect?

I have abstained from trying it my whole life because I was scared it would screw my mind (funny, because depression already had it screwed) but since I lost everything and there is a huge chance I will finally end my life this year, I decided to do it.

Edit: I have BZD (both Xanax and Valium) if things go out of control I can always take some (I read online they can dull or even stop a trip, but I am not sure if this is accurate)