indian mom is obsessed with talking to me about marrying a man, but i’m a closeted lesbian

over the last two days my mom has been extremely insistent on the fact that i’m (21F) going to get married to a man. i don’t want to get married to a man because i’m a lesbian. my friends know this but i haven’t come out to her or my dad, and i’m not sure if i ever will. for the record my indian parents are in a loveless arranged marriage and i spent my whole life watching them get into yelling matches and my dad giving my mom the silent treatment for months/years on end - yet she insists that because of “tradition” she’s not allowed to leave the marriage and that if you marry one person and you find that you’re unhappy you’re never allowed to express that unhappiness. she thinks it’s that way for spiritual reasons and that’s how they did it in the days of yore or whatever. furthermore she believes strongly in the “no boyfriend until after graduation, but then you have to start looking for a husband immediately” mentality that makes me want to puke.

the pressure that my mom is starting to put on me to think about getting married in the next four years is really upsetting me and it’s affecting my mental health, which i already know is going to affect my studies. when i told her i didn’t want to have a conversation about marriage she said that i would have to talk about it now or someday in the future. i put on headphones right in front of her to block her out because she wasn’t listening to me when i told her no and yet she continued to hound me about it, how her take on living in an unhappy marriage was right and i was wrong for saying that i would prioritize my happiness over all else in my life. i’m trying to get a job far away so i can move out and put some distance between my parents and i but i’m just scared and sad. sad for my mom because she will never understand prioritizing herself over other people, and scared for myself because i don’t want to live the life she wants for me. i just don’t know what to do about it right now - i’m in panic mode. any advice or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. i’m truly just sick of having to listen to my own mother tell me repeatedly that what i want in life “isn’t the way it’s supposed to be” and that if my life doesn’t follow a certain formula then it’s essentially worthless. sometimes i really just want to blurt out that i’m a lesbian when she does this just to have her shut up about the hypothetical man she wants in my life. i cannot stand it anymore.